A Reflection

I am 26 years old and I feel like I have seen a lot. Life here on earth is somewhat difficult. I have sinned a lot up to this point in my life. I have regrets. I have had some dark days so far and some trying times to my inner spirit. One of my biggest prayers or more frequent prayers is God to help how I feel on the inside. Sometimes I feel a real inner physical pain and anguish on the inside and I believe the cause is not just one thing. I have learned that I need Jesus. I need a God who has the answer to my problems. I believe that God, is the God of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Like many people I believe Jesus is the light in the darkness. I had a thought earlier that even the people of Israel, the Pharisees based their life on God, they knew the scriptures, and governed much of their lives by God’s word, but Jesus said that they weren’t His sheep. Jesus also said that if they believed Moses, they would believe Jesus. So I notice that there is a way of really reading the scriptures, listening to the word of God, and knowing what God calls right and wrong and still not being Jesus’ sheep. So it really prompts the question, am I really saved? Just because I know Jesus’ name, sing praises to Him, and pray to God, am I really going to be in the Kingdom of God? The bible says more than once to conduct our stay here in fear. Why fear? I think It’s because I can fall. I can be living right one day, and the next day doing something wicked. I really need to heed the warning of God and confirm my faith. I think when I come to Jesus I can easily think I am good, I don’t need anything else, or that me and God are good and he forgives me even if I keep on sinning. I need to really understand this is not the way. It is surprising that a lot of the accounts in the Gospels show that people were not really expecting God to come in the flesh which I think means not really believing in God, and not believing that God would do anything if He does exist let alone come to the earth. Unbelief is real and I think it is something that really wants to take hold of me. I need to ask myself do I really believe in Jesus and what He says? He says few make it to life so I think it is easy to think complacently and think I have already arrived. The reality is I am still on earth, I am still here, if I was as good as I think I am sometimes, why is it that God hasn’t brought me to heaven yet. Obviously one answer could be that I have to be patient, but also I think it indicates I am not as good as I could think and that I am not God or in charge. I am at the mercy of God and really wherever I end up, Heaven or Hell, yes it has to do with my decisions and my choices and actions, but also it is in God’s hands. If I am going to be saved it is at the mercy of God. At least this is how I view it. But I really need to strive to enter through the narrow gate. So instead of just putting the ball in God’s court and say God you save and do everything for me, clearly I need to do my part, strive, take the ball in my hands and go for the goal. God may you be my helper forevermore.